Foods that Nature Never Intended

I found something interesting in my refrigerator last night. It appeared to be a partially-eaten blueberry bagel, which had been sliced through the middle and spread with… something.

I said to Demigoddess the Younger, “Is this a blueberry bagel with chocolate frosting?”

“Yeah,” she said.

“Why? Why would you think that would taste good?”

“Um, there’s cream cheese on it, too.”

“Really.”

“Yeah. It was pretty disgusting.”

“I can imagine that it was.”

The obvious next question was why, once she had established that a blueberry bagel with chocolate frosting and cream cheese is, in fact, disgusting, why had she bothered to put the uneaten half into a Ziploc bag, and then into the refrigerator? Was she thinking she’d give it another try later? Was she thinking that maybe someone else would want to eat it?

Logic in the mind of an 11-year-old is a strange and mysterious thing.

And speaking of strange and mysterious things, her bagel sandwich was not the only surprise I found in my fridge last night. The second one had been deposited there by my Ho, who came over for dinner and had generously brought along a few contributions for the evening meal.

You know those doughnut-shaped plastic containers that they sell in the deli section of the grocery store, the ones that contain that rainbow-colored Jell-O fluff stuff?

Yup. In my fridge.

At first I thought it must be a joke. Only, what if it wasn’t? A million wise cracks about nuclear waste and trailer parks were fighting for position on the tip of my tongue, but what if this stuff is one of his favorite foods? To make fun of a person's favorite food would be mean. But… can I really date a man who could love… rainbow parfait?

“What is that?” Demigoddess the Elder asked as I put it on the table.

“It’s… some kind of Jell-O stuff.”

“Is it good?”

"I don’t know. I’ve never actually eaten it before.”

I’ve seen it before, of course. It’s hard to miss, what with being all rainbow colored and everything. I’ve seen it there in the refrigerated deli case and thought to myself, “Ugh. Who buys that stuff?”

It’s the same thought I have when I see Hamburger Helper and purple ketchup and that Kool-Aid that is supposed to taste cold when it isn’t (tingly!).

Well, I now know who buys the fluff, anyway. My Ho does.

As it turns out, the red part is not so bad. I draw the line at the green, though. I’m not going there. Not even for love.