Wednesday, May 10, 2006

They’re Going to Kill Us All

Once again, Mr. Zellar has eloquently expressed exactly what I was thinking, much better than I ever could.

How is this team ever going to finish above .500 if 3/5 of their starting rotation seems determined to straight-up suck?

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed last night’s 15-5 win over the Rangers as much as the next Goddess. 19 hits and six RBI by Justin Morneau alone were like gifts straight from the heavens, and believe me when I say that I am very, very grateful. Really I am.

But as the score crept from 10-0 in the third inning to 10-5 after the sixth, the old familiar feeling of dread began to descend, and I vowed to My Ho that if Silva blew that ten run lead I would never, ever watch another Twins game as long as I live.

Thankfully, Francisco Liriano spared me that fate.

Can we talk for a moment about the twelve-fingered Rangers pitcher? Forgive me, but eew. And also, EEW. I thought the sidearm pitchers were weird, but a six-fingered fastball almost seems like cheating.

And while I’m being politically incorrect, I’ll just add that I find this incredibly irritating.

Seriously? In a locket??

Girlfriend, I am very sorry for your loss. I sympathize with you and your son. But honey, YOU WERE NOT MARRIED YET. Clearly, your fiancee did not see things the way you are claiming, or he (or one of his people) would have made certain his will reflected those wishes. Kirby’s children are the only ones in this world who have any rightful claim to his estate, and the more noise you make about it, the more you look like a monumental, not-very-bright, gold-digging asshat loser. Please. Let it go already.

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