Yet Another Shameful Secret

Anyone who knows me will tell you, I’m totally a jeans and T-shirt kind of goddess. This is in spite of being painfully aware that I have three sisters who love clothes and always look hip and stylish and gorgeous. If I’m going out, I’ll put on a shirt with buttons, and that’s about as much time as I want to spend thinking about my attire.

But over the past few months, one of the unexpected side effects of my Old Navy gig has been that I’ve become a little more, um, AWARE of current fashion trends. And since I’m there, like, three times a week, and repeatedly see and touch every item of clothing in the store, I’ve become a little more willing to try something on, just, you know, to SEE. Frequently, I am horrified. Occasionally I am pleasantly surprised.

A couple of months ago, I was pleasantly surprised by this little sweater wrap thingy, long and light and green, with bell sleeves. It was totally unlike anything I have ever tried on before, and even though I thought it looked really ugly on the hanger, it actually looked kind of neat on. Plus, it was cheap. So I ignored the committee in my head (“Who are you trying to kid with that?? Do you think you’re one of these little high school girlies you work with or something? You know you’re never really going to wear that in public…”), sucked it up and bought it. I put it in my closet, and there it sat. For weeks. Day after day, I saw it there, considered, and then passed it over in favor of other, safer articles of clothing.

So this morning, there it was again, and I thought… okay... well… maybe. Maybe today is the day. I put it on. I took it off. I put it on again and resisted the temptation to take it off again, even though I realized I probably looked like a giant wannabe DORK, and resolved to just GO with it already, because I was late anyway and, jeez, it’s really not that big a deal.

The first two people at work who said, “Ooh, cute sweater!” I figured were just saying that, in the way you sometimes get caught staring at someone’s goofy-looking shoes and then feel like you have to say something nice about them, even though it’s totally a lie, so you won’t hurt their feelings. (Everybody does that, right? Right?)

Then I had lunch with my Ho this afternoon, and he whispered oh-so-sweetly in my ear, “Have you lost a little weight or something? You really look good today.” Exceedingly charming, yes, but he’s, like, SMITTEN, so I can hardly trust anything he says. Even if it is awfully, awfully nice.

So I get back from lunch, and in the elevator on the way up to my desk, another someone says, “I really like that sweater,” which I attribute to the fact that I just complimented her on her new haircut and she was just returning the favor. But just now, yet another person who was passing by my cubicle paused to praise my fabulous little sweater, and ALL RIGHT ALREADY. YOU GOT ME. THE THING WAS ON CLEARANCE AT OLD NAVY AND COST $6.99. THAT'S A WHOPPING $5.60 AFTER MY EMPLOYEE DISCOUNT, SO PUH-LEEZE. STOP. LOOKING. AT. MEEE!!

Please pass the meds.