Monday, November 21, 2005

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

Yesterday was the second time since having children that I thought, just for a moment, maybe having boys would have been better.

The first time I had that thought was the first time I brought the Demigoddesses to a Twins game at the Metrodome. Demigoddess the Elder was maybe five years old, the Younger would have been around three. I spent most of the game in line at the restroom, first with one, then with the other, then again with the first one, and for the tiniest fraction of a second, I thought that if just one of them were a boy, I might at least have gotten to watch one uninterrupted inning.

In my family, it’s ALL females. The boy my cousin gave birth to last March represented my extended family’s first male child in over 50 years. Eleven straight girl babies, we had. I wouldn’t know what the hell to do with a boy if I had one. When my sister was pregnant, I secretly wished and wished for her to have a girl, and the Demigoddesses and I were thrilled when we found out we would be getting a little Madge.

But yesterday as I trotted back and forth between two adjoining department store dressing rooms, slinging an armload of bras of varying sizes and styles, that thought came to me again. Boys. Muuuuuuch easier.

In addition to having to explain what, exactly, a Wonderbra is, and also why anyone would want one, a few of the choicer phrases that I heard coming out of my mouth included:

“You’re too young for a black bra.”

“Just find some underpants that aren’t a thong. And no zippers on the front.”

“Purple lace? No. Let me rephrase that… that would be a HELL NO.”

“It’s the right size, it only looks small because it’s a push-up. Which, by the way, is totally inappropriate for the eighth grade."


Lin said...

Now if there were only more mothers like you who suffered at least some small pang of conscience when their young girls' thong strap/loop/string or whatever the hell you call it peeks suggestively above their low riding juicy couture sweat pants. ACK...I do not understand why mothers of very young teens would encourage these children in this way. Probably the same mothers who are giving their girls breast implants for their sweet sixteen or h.s. graduation.

rob said...

"...having to explain what, exactly, a Wonderbra is, and also why anyone would want one..."

Yeah. You would never have to explain what a wonder bra is or why anyone would want one to a boy. This is primal knowledge for us. We inherantly know this out of the womb as sure as we fear falling and fire.

Dawn said...

Ohhhhh yeahhhh. I also get to explain why "Bratz" are not appropriate for a seven year old, as well as why "Old Navy Halter tops with built in bras" as also not appropriate for the said 7 year old.

It is hard, with the over sexualization of young girls, to explain that this look isn't acceptable - cause Britney put is all our there and look how popular SHE is!!

I saw some sweatpants with the word "cherry" on the bottom. I wanted to smack the mother with the pre-teen who was wearing them. But she looked like she wished she could wear the sweatpants.And therein lies the problem.

Crazy Lady said...

I only have one girl - 7, and already have the "you are not going out of the house in that, young lady" fight. So far I have been blessed that the only clothing fights are over jeans with holes in the knees. But I know this is just the calm before the storm

Prego said...

I've had this ongoing joke with my wife. If, for instance, I see a girl wearing something inappropriate, I'll say "Reason No. 4401 I'm glad we have boys..." and so forth. I've even seen pregnant 8th Graders (Reason No. 421.)

Here's Reason No. 8251.

I used to think that girls would only start driving parents nuts when they're thirteen or fourteen, but it seems like it's getting younger and younger. My friend "D" has concerns about his niece, whom he referred to as "a flirt" at age 11. Ewwwwww. Boys have their own share of problems, but I think they pale in comparison.