Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Lousy

When the Demigoddesses were immunized against chicken pox, I felt like I had gotten out of one of the required rites of parenthood. My mom dealt with four kids having it all at the same time, when I was in the third grade and my youngest sister, Betsy, was just a baby. I remember an endless parade of Popsicles, constantly rotating medicated baths, lots of itching, and everywhere, little scabby faces and tummies. The fact that I would miss out on all of it seemed kind of like cheating.

Similarly, when cases of head lice started circulating around the Demigoddesses’ elementary school, I was sure that, at some point, it would arrive at our house as well. I listened to the horror stories from battle-weary parents who fought through recurring cases, about the chemical shampoos and the vacuuming and the laundry and the combing, combing, combing, and I wondered where and when my number would come up.

I mentioned in a recent post that we also dealt with head lice when I was a kid, so I figured I was up to the challenge. But miraculously, both Demis made it to the junior high without a single case, and I felt like I had once again dodged a bullet.

Until last Saturday, that is, when an inspection of Demigoddess the Younger’s itchy scalp confirmed it. Vermin. Lice. Bloodsucking parasites crawling and reproducing in my daughter’s hair.

I did not freak out. She, on the other hand, cried and begged me not to tell anyone, because if any of the kids at school found out it would be SO EMBARRASSING!

Oh, you mean embarrassing like standing in line at Walgreen’s with an armload of RID shampoo? “KILLS LICE AND THEIR EGGS,” it says in huge letters on the box, just in case the guy at the one-hour photo counter missed it. (I will NOT scratch my head while I am standing in this line… I will NOT scratch my head while I am standing in this line…)

It turns out that the poison shampoo (“My head feels like DEATH,” quoth Demigoddess the Younger), is the easy part. The really nasty bit is the fine-toothed combing. Like all parents, I have dealt with nuclear diapers, the entire vomit spectrum, and all manner of disgusting bodily fluids, much of which I have had on my person at some point. But none of that had legs. Through two hours and most of a tube of “Egg & Nit Comb-Out Gel,” the foulness I picked out of that child’s hair made me swoon.

Really. Gross.

Then came the cleaning, because, naturally, the Demis’ bedroom was wall to wall with stuffed animals and dirty clothes. While they piled everything into garbage bags for quarantine, I loaded the washer with every stitch of bedding, and then vacuumed every corner of carpet and every square inch of upholstery in the house.

Of course, none of this was on the agenda when I woke up on Saturday morning.

As of today, Demigoddess the Younger appears to remain louse-free. And, fortunately, her sister and I seem to have been spared altogether, although the psychosomatic scalp itchiness that I have experienced since Saturday is really getting annoying.

After school on Monday, Demi the Younger happily shared that earlier in the day she had overheard a couple of her friends whispering about their moms bagging up all of their stuffed animals and putting them in the garage. She confided in one of them that she, too, had been a victim, and she learned that her arch-nemesis, Mean Boy, had gone under the poison shampoo, too.

And yes, she gave me permission to blog about it.

11 comments:

Amy said...

But...but...what happened at the soccer game???

EverydaySuperGoddess said...

It was a very exciting, very close game, right up until the bitter end, when the Unwashed Masses lost to the Swank Private School team via a penalty kick in double overtime.

But there were lots more Unwashed Masses fans at the game, and they cheered their impoverished little hearts out, even afterwards when their team collected their second-place trophies.

It was very sweet, really.

Amy said...

Sounds like they made SPS work for that win, then. Good for them!

Dawn said...

When I was the Director of a child care, and I had to break the bad news to an unsuspecting parent, I was always tempted to hand then a shot of tequila prior to the announcement of Lice.

Oh, and it makes all teh teachers itch uncontrollably too - AND they will buy the shampoo and wash with it - Just in case. And of course it feels like death - Death to Lice. Which conicidentally would be the best selling Lice shampoo if they chose to name one the aforementioned name.

Can you tell I just ate some pilfered Resses Peanut Butter cups????

EverydaySuperGoddess said...

Tequila would have helped a great deal, actually.

If Walgreen's stocked hard liquor next to the de-lousing accoutrements, they'd make a million dollars...

EverydaySuperGoddess said...

(...and I have two extra bottles of poison shampoo, "Just in Case.")

the belligerent intellectual said...

You ask for permission? I just say, "Don't worry, I won't write about that," then write about it anyway.

That said, I would have just shaved her head. And if I were her, I think I would have wanted it shaved too.

EverydaySuperGoddess said...

Oh, believe me, the head-shaving came up during our two-hour combing session.

Batgirl said...

You truly are a goddess.

Meghan said...

Okay in between horrifying flashbacks from childhood I found myself laughing my fool head off.

jo(e) said...

Next time, if you want to avoid the poison shampoo, you can just use mayonnaise. You cover the head with mayonnaise, put tin foil over the whole thing, and let it stay overnight. Messy, but it does the job of smothering the lice. And that way, you don't expose your kid to toxins ....